I remember exactly where I was in my car when I first heard Rachel Platten’s song, Stand By You.
Her song is a personal anthem of loving in the hardest of places, not giving up.
Initially, it ran through my head on those hard days of marriage. But most recently, I realized how well it fits in with parenting a difficult child as well.
‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you
Even if we’re breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you
Love, you’re not alone, ’cause I’m gonna stand by you
I remember the first time he told me, “I hate you.” That was over a year ago now, but it feels more like a lifetime ago. Now I’m used to it. At least that’s what I tell myself.
I had a second child a few months ago, and as he grew into those cute baby phases my heart hurt. Not because I loved him with that love that only a mother with a newborn can truly understand, but because the feelings of love came so easily for him and yet not so easily for his older brother. To even think those thoughts overwhelmed me with grief and guilt. Mothers aren’t supposed to have favorites.
But love isn’t a feeling. Love is a choice.
As we neared the New Year, I felt God impressing these words on my mom-heart:
Head on over to Middle Places to read the rest of this post, Cultivating Love for my Special Needs Child.