Personal and Spiritual Ramblings

Leaving the Military: Our Family’s Experience

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My husband got out of the military in 2013 after a total of 10 service years spread between two service branches, three plus duty stations, one OCONUS tour, and two overseas deployments. It’s been several years now since we have been out. Yesterday marks the 5 year anniversary of his ETS date. Each passing year offers clarity as we look back on how far God has brought our family.

While it’s pretty rare that I talk much about military life anymore, being five years removed, it still continues to impact our daily life. Also, thanks to a considerable military spouse presence on Pinterest, I still receive DAILY traffic from milspouses all over the world. I’m slowly working on optimizing my older blogs posts (updating graphics and SEO) to continue to offer support and advice to those spouses. From what I can tell, there isn’t nearly as many resources for military families on their way out of the military as there are for those IN the military. This is my attempt to change that.

The short version is that the year before my husband ETSed and the year after he was out were by far the hardest on our family and our marriage – far harder, yes, than even the two years he was deployed.

Reintegration, unfortunately, got smashed up all together with preparing for ETS. It was kind of all one messy ball of stress as we tried to put our family back together while still preparing for the unknown of life after the military.

We finally moved back “home” to my husband’s hometown in North Carolina. My husband found a $15/hour call center job that he hated and we lived in an 850 square foot apartment with our pre-diagnosis special-needs 3-year-old. Our grocery budget was $400 a month, we were broke, we had no healthcare, and my husband hadn’t yet made the steps to recognize that he needed help in the way of therapy, medication, and disability for the mental struggles he was facing.

A year later, some of those things were starting to fall into place. I got into the Caregiver support program. He got on disability – and started receiving anxiety treatment via therapy and medication.

Money and meds aren’t a magic fix. They sure help though.

During the years following, Russ got a job working at the Department of Veteran’s Affairs. As he has started at the bottom and worked his way through promotions and pay-grades, the way has been forged with panic attacks and trying to hold our family together on so many days when it felt like it was falling apart.

Now, it’s been five years. We bought a house last year. While not perfect, our life is reminiscent of the “American dream”: the house, the two kids, the picket fence, the steady paycheck.

But this post-military life we have built for ourselves was not built overnight. Rather – brick by brick, day by day, fight by fight.

Below, I am going to be linking to the blog posts I wrote as we went through this experience. My hope is that by reading our experiences, other military families on the verge of their ETS date will be able to put what they are going through into some sort of perspective of normalcy.

This post contains a lot of links, because I’ve really done the bulk of my processing and writing through these posts. As I said above, our time in the military continues to impact us daily, although now it’s more subtle and less overt. You can see that as you click through these posts. The more recent posts are less overtly military-related; but if you read our experiences, you will see it’s still there. I’m including key dates as a sort of “timeline” so you can pick up wherever you are in the process.

Leaving the military: our family's experience | Yesterday marks the 5 year anniversary of his ETS date out of the military. My hope is that by reading our experiences, other military families on the verge of their ETS date will be able to put what they are going through into some sort of perspective of normalcy. 

December 31, 2011: Our Final Homecoming

2012: Reintegration and Preparing for ETS

After All: Our Final Homecoming

The Rest of Our Lives: Musings on Reintegration After Deployment

Weary (honest thoughts about ETSing)

Choosing joy when the Christmas spirit is broken

2013: ETSing, job hunting, moving, trying to settle in our new locale

Home {one word for 2013}

A place for us

Afraid 

February 22, 2013: Last day of work

Breathing out: terminal leave begins! 

Home

20 things I’ve learned while preparing to move

Here

Our Journey to “Home” ~ Part 1: The Disappointments and Desperation

Our Journey to “Home” ~ Part 2: God’s Direction

Jump 

Our last days in Kentucky

Moving Days: garbage dumpsters, packing, pizza, goodbyes, magic erasers, and more

Saying goodbye and closing the door

April 9, 2013: Our last day in Kentucky

Final thoughts on my husband’s six years in the Army

The days in between

The chaos of moving and settling in

April 15, 2013: Official first day in our apartment AND Russell’s official first day at work

One month home

Our Memorial Day Miracle

When your love for your spouse is depleted

How to keep loving when your marriage is running on empty

Every veteran gave something

On coming home {a final update on my one word for 2013}

2014: Trying to adjust to life after the Army

Complex family dynamic: why we need #whitespace

Small (in which I announce we are moving again)

March 2014: Enrollment in the Caregiver Support Program and Russell’s VA disability kick in

He’s gonna have all of me {an anniversary post}

What this OEF Veteran’s family wishes you knew

April 2014: We move into a bigger house (still renting)

Room to breathe, room to live

Hopeless no longer

When You Feel Broken Behind Your Smiles

An answered prayer & the moment I fell in love with the Army

love songs to help you through a rough spot in your marriage

October 2014: Our son is diagnosed with special needs, Russ loses his job and goes on medication

Life as a special needs dad (when you have anxiety)

He came home

2015: Pregnancy with our second child, Russ begins working at the VA

How we’ve made it through seven years of marriage

The carousel never stops turning and our hard is still our hard

Preparing for birth when your husband has anxiety

2016: Russ continues at the VA, our family start to settle and heal

An open letter to the bride who will wear my wedding gown

What my dying plants taught me about self care

When you’re too tired to be a good wife

MilSpouse Appreciation Day & Freedom Day: It Matters

Memorial Day: What it Means to a Veteran’s Wife

What America Means to this Veteran’s Family

When the Christmas spirit is no longer broken and joy is less of a choice

2017-2018: We bought our house, Russ gets a promotion – life is GOOD!

A very long life and family update (with lots of pictures!)

How to catch your breath when life is a whirlwind

How God Led Us to Our Church Home & 6 Reasons We’ve Stayed

Why 2017 was messy and weird and what I’m looking forward to in 2018

Our Unforgettable 10th Wedding Anniversary Trip to Texas

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