In the five years between our two children’s births, my husband (who is a combat veteran), was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder. While he had always struggled with anxiety, things that he went through in the Army and panic attacks leading to an emotional breakdown on his second deployment (just after our first child was … [Read more…]
I am coming to this space ready to be raw and ramble… you have been forewarned. I feel almost a stranger to the blank space. I’ve written so little here this year and for so many reasons. A year ago, we had just come into acceptance of my husband’s anxiety disorder diagnosis. We had just … [Read more…]
And now the deployments seem like barely a blip on our timeline. A distant memory that only seems strong when I’m Already There comes on the radio and at Christmastime when the music on Pandora reminds me of the three Christmases tinged by separation from the one I love.
It’s hard to think about what kind of boy and man he will grow up to be because of some of the struggles he has, like his sensory issues. It’s another thing to have to worry about how he will turn out because he was constantly having a negative reaction to my disabilities. And ultimately that creates a storm of junk that we can’t “solve” or heal. We are left just to deal with it from day to day and hope that the end is not as bad as it sometimes appears it may be.
I know that Ezra’s issues are not as bad as other kids who have autism and stuff like that. But the stuff I deal with makes it, I think, just as hard.
Can I just take a moment and rave about how great the past few weeks have been? I’m not really sure what has made the difference. Maybe it has something to do with warmer weather, or maybe the new supplement my husband is taking, or maybe the fact that we got to take a vacation and … [Read more…]
Now, we are on the other side, but the prayer remains answered and the love for this community hasn’t gone away. Some days I wish I could just walk away and stop thinking about it but I can’t.
You can take the milspouse out of the military, but you can’t take the military out of the milspouse.
And now this hangs above the very spot where I prayed a prayer out of complete hopelessness.