Hope

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Normally, I don’t have trouble finding words.

Tonight, I’m feeling a lot of feelings…but I’ve written and deleted a few times now because the words just don’t seem to fit the feelings.

I want to tell you that I really love my kiddo, in spite of how hard it’s been lately.

I want to tell you that I might have figured out how to get him to sleep later in the mornings and that the earliest he’s woken up in the past week is 6:15. {But I don’t want to tell you how, in case it’s a fluke.}

I want to tell you how he is most-likely getting into a behavioral program that will help him.

I want to tell you how he is advocating for himself by using more descriptive words, telling us what’s upsetting him, and putting himself in a special spot at school to “get a break” or “get in control.”

I want to tell you how we’ve made it through two whole days with no phonecalls home from school and how that feels like a miracle.

I want to tell you how I got to go to therapy, clean my office, and even watch a little TV for leisure.

I suppose if I could put it all into one word, it would be hope.

I don’t know if I fully believe that hope can change everything.

But at least for the last three days, I’ve felt a spark of hope.

A breath can give you life
A hand can turn the page
A word can give you strength
To face another day
Hope…yeah hope

Reaches in the heart
Of your darkest night
Lifts you off the ground
When you’ve lost the fight

Keeps you hanging on
Through the disbelief
Every day, every step, every dream
Hope can change everything