Motherhood is hard – anyone who says differently is selling something.
There are hard days, rough days, tired days – and I’ve had my share of those.
But then there are days where your mommy spirit sinks so low that you throw in the towel and call it quits. Like, for real.
Yesterday was that day for me. I was done. I had had it. I had spiraled out of control, and I just gave up.
Ezra is going through another difficult phase. I don’t know why these happen – I just chalk it up to some inexplicable struggle he has with growing up. During these phases, he doesn’t sleep well, he fights us constantly, he pushes every button I have (non-stop), and if you can think of a negative behavior to be acted out by a child – well, he’s done it.
I’ve tried everything. Harsh discipline, gentle discipline, keeping him in his room all day, sending him to daycare (and having to pick him up after two hours because even they couldn’t handle him), giving him extra love and attention, rocking him every night, begging, yelling, crying, whispering, discussing, bargaining, time-outs, losing privileges, bribing, rewards, behavior charts, making deals, asking friends for advice, trying things off of the internet that never work. I’ve become desperate and then some.
He’s simply non-compliant.
And with each passing day of this (it’s been a little over a week now), my tolerance level has fallen and the anger within me has risen to off-the-chart levels.
I became a mother that I barely recognize, who is definitely not the mother I want to be. Continue reading