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God works in strange ways many times. This is actually the second time I have written this post, but the first time got deleted. I was immediately filled with frustration when all that work disappeared, but now I’m looking at it as a new opportunity to maybe approach this post in a way I didn’t before.
The past week has been difficult for me, well for both of us. I know personally I’ve felt like I reached this breaking point…that I couldn’t really go on with this deployment, this being separated from my love.
I’m really not as strong as most of you all think…I have plenty of days where I sleep til 10, stay in my pajamas, and just watch movies, eat ice cream, and cry a lot. It’s been one of “those kind” of weeks.
Russ really worries about me when I get like this, because there’s nothing he can really do to help. He’s always pushing and encouraging me to get out of the house, get sunshine, and do fun stuff while he’s gone. Many times to my shame I really resist and fight this encouragement. I get frustrated because I feel a lot of guilt in enjoying myself without him, and other times my “fun times” make me less accessible to talk to him, which makes me feel horrible. But on he encourages.
Yesterday, I finally obeyed…
I took an adventure. I packed a bag with my Bible, camera, and a few books, and took off. I drove with my windows and sunroof open and the radio off! *shock* I found a little country road that I had discovered a few weeks ago quite by accident (a wrong turn). I took the road until it dead-ended. As I was turning around in someone’s driveway, I found this amazing view of the Texas hill country…
The pictures really don’t capture the essence of how breath-taking it really was. I continued on my way back the way I came, driving slowly because it was a single lane road, and I looked and saw a deer in someone’s front yard.
I snapped a few pictures and was about to drive off when another deer came out of the clearing. I’m glad I took some time and didn’t drive off so quickly! I continued on my way and turned right onto another country road that I knew would take me out to Stillhouse Hollow Lake, a park area where Russ and I had visited about a year ago. I turned into Cedar Something-or-other Park and found a place to park.
The first thing I noticed was all the flowers. I had to smile because just a few weeks ago, Russ had told me he wanted me to “go somewhere where there are flowers” because he thought they would make me feel better. Well they certainly did!
I love Stillhouse Hollow Lake because it is a man-made reservoir, so the water is extremely blue!
I sat there for a few minutes just basking in the sunlight and warmth of the day. It was nice just to be able to sit and think, to pray, and meditate on God’s love.
Then pulled out my Bible, and God directed me to some of my favorite passages of Scripture in Isaiah.
Isaiah 40 begins by talking about the power of God, especially in His Creation. At the end of the chapter, God turn to man to encourage us:
25To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One.
26Liftup your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.
27Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?
28Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Sometimes it is easy for me to feel like God can’t really see and know what is going on in my life, like my way is “hid from the LORD”… Sometimes it’s easy to feel like I honestly don’t have enough strength to get through another day alone without losing my last shred of sanity. But I know if I keep waiting on the LORD, I will be okay.
Isaiah 41 also brings encouragement:
10Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
13For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
I am not alone…even when it feels like it. God is with me, and He will help me get through this.
I thought about pulling out some of my military-wife books to read, but I realized that I didn’t really want to interrupt this serene moment by thinking of the struggles I face as a military wife. So I decided instead upon The Surrendered Wife, a book which I personally believe that every married woman needs to read. I felt such a sense of accomplishment, because I actually finished reading the book after having started it last July!
After I finished reading, I took a few winsome photos:
Then I put my little bouquet into my bag…
Was walking to my car when I saw these little flowers poking out of the cement…
I thought about picking them but decided that they were prettier where they were.
As I drove back home (a short 20-minute drive) I felt encouraged, happy, loved, and incredibly thankful for my husband. Sometimes I get frustrated by the differences between Russ and I, but God is perfect in wisdom and I find myself learning from Russ. Learning to try new things, to go out of my comfort zone and do things I wouldn’t normally do. I’m a home-body and would love to just stay at home and watch movies all day…but think just how much I could have missed?!?!