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Today, I’ve asked Jaimie, a VBAC mom and friend to guest post for us. I was inspired by her story and how she prepared for her VBAC.
I had found my doctor, my doula, and a chiropractor. All were on board as I pursued a vaginal delivery after three previous c-sections. I was set up for the win. After spending hours in search of a supportive provider, I knew a large part of my work was completed. Now it was time to move ahead in another way.
And so, I did what I always did in life…I prepared. I am the queen of getting ready for things. Whether it was my drivers test (which I studied for by carefully highlighting, underlining, and circling every single law in my DMV handbook) or getting all fancied up for a college library date with my friend (who I was hoping would someday be my husband), I have always been a determined person not wanting to fail. I put my best into things.
With a VBAC in my vision with my fourth pregnancy, I took the exact same approach. However, this was different. So much rested on the outcome for me. I knew I needed to give it my all, so if perhaps I didn’t achieve the birth I desired, I could walk away knowing I had put my best efforts forward.
My nightstand was flooded with birth books and I often had my nose in several at a time. Everything from Ina May Gaskin to The VBAC Companion, I took time to educate myself on how labor and the body were supposed to work. My mind absorbed truth, which in turn gave my heart peace that what I was about to embark on was not crazy, but definitely possible and worthy to pursue.
Physically I felt best to eat a mostly raw vegan diet, supplements, lots of pure water along with red raspberry leaf and dandelion root teas (I found this RRLT to be the best). I ate and trained like I was about to run a marathon. Five days a week I made sure to workout. I often chose T-25 from Beachbody (no worries, I only did the modified version here, friends) and near the end, it was three mile walks for this momma. I even gave up Facebook my last month. I couldn’t hear all the chatter. I needed to get quiet.
I did all I knew to do. I put my entire heart, my whole being into this thing.
And then, at the nine month mark, it became ever so real that I would be having a baby soon. And I felt that although I had prepared everything, I had not prepared my heart.
It didn’t matter how much effort I had put into my physical body, how much effort I had put into gaining knowledge about labor and birth. Anxiety and fears, they most definitely affect labor. I had to decide to walk into labor without fear, to let go of any of thoughts or words spoken over me that did not line up with His. And He spoke to my heart.
Jaimie…do you believe what they say? Or do you believe what I say? They say you can’t do this. They say there are major risks. They say this is near impossible. But what do I say? What does the great I AM say? With me, daughter, you are victorious. In Me, daughter, you are strong. In me, you walk without fear. With me, nothing. I said NOTHING. NO THING is impossible. Whose words do you believe? Whose words do you trust in? What do you believe? That which you see with your eyes on this earth? Or do you walk by FAITH not by your sight? Do you speak like them, in doubt? Do you walk like them in wonder of the outcome? Believe my words, say my words. Keep your eyes on my words. And I will do more than you will ever expect or imagine. I am good. Keep close to me. Don’t listen to anyone else. Keep to me. Speak only what I speak. Trust ME. I love you deeply.
And with that I decided to control my thoughts and my words like it was my full time job. I spoke an incredible VBAC over my situation. I didn’t say ”if” or “I hope.” No, I said, “I will.” I said, “I am strong. I can do all things.”
I stopped talking to a lot of people, I stopped reading things about birth in my online discussion groups. I put in front of my face the Word. The living, active Word of God. I read it, I said it, I wrote it and I meditated on it day and night.
I carried His words with me in labor. I spoke them out loud for myself to hear and didn’t care who heard what I had to say during my painful contractions in transition. His words strengthened me and I believe allowed me to prepare for the birth that my heart and mind had dreamed of for years. As I pushed out my baby, my heart took in what He had done. I birthed in the way I felt led and prepared my heart in the way he guided me to. Most of all I learned, no matter what situation we face whether in labor prep or life, we can go to His Word. His Word works.
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. (Psalm 1:1-3)