You know you’re a mom when… (Walmart edition)

You know you are a mom when a trip to Walmart by yourself after the baby goes to sleep feels like a much-needed vacation.

You are going for four things: a return, the rent money order, panty hose, and mums.

But when you arrive your brain goes into vacation mode. You legs realize they don’t have to rush through the store. You start mentally oohing and ahhing at everything you see.

You pick up your mums, also throwing into your cart some grass seed, fertilizer, and some bug repellant for your little one who lately the bugs have decided is a walking buffet.

You browse the clearance aisles and get excited to find a lone fleece Cars blanket on the shelf…his baby blankets have been getting too small for his growing body!

You decide (since you are on vacation) to splurge and get chocolates and bath stuff, excited that there are $2 off coupons on the organic bubble bath you were eyeing.

You get even more excited when you find a big bottle of PARABEN-FREE bubble bath that has ELMO on it!!

You mosey on over to housewares when you find an “Elmo loves counting” placemat for $.94 and think that it’s perfect for your baby. Add to cart…

You look at purses and handbags, wondering if you can find a more chic looking backpack than the bright lime green with trains “Going to Grandma’s” one that you have taken to wearing pretty much everywhere, (because it’s so much easier to carry something on your back and have your hands free to pick up and set down toddler at his every whim than to lug around a diaper bag). They don’t have anything.

You get to the pantyhose, trying to figure out what size you can squeeze your post-baby lower half into…realize you are right on the cutoff between sizes. You entertain the thought of buying the smaller size just so you can really feel awesome for finally being back in your pre-baby pantyhose size. Then you think about how constricted your midsection and thighs are gonna feel. You go with the bigger size.

You check out the clothes section but don’t see anything worth buying.

You head over to the baby section to get socks for the toddler, who is still wearing a lot of 18 month socks. You notice the little words that say “Made in China” and remember that you were going to read labels better to try to buy more American products. You check the other brands. They are made in Honduras. You buy the ones from China because they are cheaper.

You start yawning. A lot.

You look at ice cream. Then remember that you are trying to be healthy…and already bought chocolate.

You yawn some more. Check the time. Almost nine.

You browse the office supplies. You buy cute pens and a weekly planner in hopes that maybe having cute stuff will be enough motivation to actually plan meals in advance. You also pick up girly-colored dry erase markers for the board that now hangs in your kitchen and has become your brain.

You yawn again and decide that you better check out before you spend any more money. You check out, get your money order, and leave the store. As you are pulling out of the parking lot, you realize that the coupons for the bubble bath are still in your purse and that you could have saved $4 on your bill. You consider going back in but *yawn* you are just too tired.

You get home, take a bath, and manage to do 15 more things before crawling into bed.