1. Aracely

    I don’t understand why people got so upset. You were telling your story, your side of the story and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband or that you’re not appreciative of what you have, you were simply expressing your feelings.
    I, being in introvert myself, understand how you feel. My husband is exactly like your husband and everyday is different. The best thing you can do is communicate and yes we sometimes need to come out of our comfort zone but so should they. Communication is key.

    • Aw thanks. I think that people these days are perhaps too worried about abusive or “toxic” relationships – and rightfully so in some respects. On the other hand, though, no relationship is going to be 100% healthy and balanced all the time. These things take work – hard work – and two people committed to sticking around to do the work even when it’s hard.

  2. DH

    I’ve read a few of your posts about your “external processor”. Your husband sounds like my twin. Seriously. I was even in the military. I wanted to thru-hike the Colorado Trail (I did end up doing that this past summer, after planning it for 2 years). Last night I ordered a shamanic hand drum that I’ve been wanting to learn how to play. I am sure I will master than thing (in my own mind) by Christmas – then it will be on CraigsList. And round and round we go! Just ask my wife about my plan to sell all of our stuff, buy a bus, build out a living area and drive around the US and Canada for a year. 22,007 miles of glorious life experiences. Mmmmhmmm… we’ll see;)

    My wife and I have similar arguments and communication struggles that you’ve outlined in your articles. We’ve been married for almost 16 years (no kids) and while I believe our individual awareness about each others differences is pretty clear to us both – we both find challenges in remembering them and acting accordingly.

    I landed on your blog today because I am challenged in finding many other sites/articles where it’s not an extroverted wife + introverted husband. And after reading countless pieces from that perspective, let me tell you – NOT the same thing. Outside of the personality characteristic, men have quirks simply due to our maleness. As do women. It’s not as simple as swapping out ‘he’ for ‘she’ when navigating this stuff. I wish it were. So to finally stumble across someone who has pretty close to the same dynamic is RAD!

    Super ironic that the communication about that dynamic is from the introvert though;)

    Thanks for writing. I’m excited to share the links with my wife so she can laugh about all the similarities like I did:)

  3. Teresa

    You’ve just described my husband to a tee! This morning I woke up to a 45 minute recital of his golf game, friends who talk all of the time 😆, weather, what we’re going to watch tonight, our budget and how we are going to change things, etc I now keep simple crochet projects handy to keep me sane while he’s “processing”. Thank you for your blog. It made my day!

  4. Jane

    So how does he get an outlet as an external processor? Does he have other external processor friends or is it cool for him to basically just talk to himself, if yr doing the wait and see approach?

    • Sometimes he talks to acquaintances at church. I try to give him space and time for that. He also has gaming buddies and people he talks to on Discord. I’m not really sure. I probably carry the bulk of it, but he does have some other outlets, even if they are small.

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