It Gets Better {A Special Needs Kid Grows Up}

As my children have grown, I have become far more protective (and far less open) in the things that I share particularly about them. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in protecting their privacy. I continue to tighten the reigns. But this morning, I feel the need to share this post about our kid as a response to something I wrote on this day 6 years ago – in 2017: 

Reading posts like this is so incredibly bittersweet. I remember these days vividly. My heart breaks for my former self, and how bad things were. My heart breaks for my former child, both for how much he had to struggle, and that his mom then wasn’t the woman I am now. But if I were to live those years over again, even with all the knowledge I have now, things would still have been hard.

The biggest reason I felt the need to write this post was to share just how far he has come…we have come. I want to tell other mamas of kids with behavioral challenges: IT. GETS. BETTER!

Because, let me tell you about our kid, six years later…

We’ve homeschooled through the last 5 summers. My boys have spent hours and hours outside, especially during milder months like April and October. (We actually do a lot of school in July!)

We no longer use or even need behavior charts, although we have edited our family rules a few times and have those up on the wall as a reminder. 

I still raise my voice too much; but most mornings we have Morning Cuddles™️, and he’s gets many other opportunities for cuddles and hugs throughout the day.

Full disclosure, after making coffee, fixing mine just the way I like it, and bringing it to my bedside warmer – he flopped his almost-13-year-old body on the bed while I was drinking my first sip, sending coffee everywhere, and putting a big splotch of coffee on my Sudoku book that was lying on the floor next to my bed. I was ticked and put an abrupt end to Morning Cuddles™️ because he wasn’t controlling his body appropriately. But after stomping out of the room, he came back and apologized. Also – this happened after making coffee, fixing mine just the way I like it, and bringing it to my bedside warmer.

We nixed Netflix and have drastically reduced screen time.

I’m still bad at laundry, and last night he pulled underwear out of a basket instead of a drawer. BUT, I’ve started ironing again (WHAT?) and even teaching my kid how to iron. 

I am his teacher, and I get to see his progress right before my eyes daily.

At bedtime, he takes his medicine and crawls in bed to read. 30-45 minutes later, his eyes are heavy and he’s ready for sleep (thank you Trileptal!). He can make his own bed, straighten his covers, and cover himself up on his own now. He still always wants Mom to give him a hug and kiss, but he doesn’t throw (too much of) a fit if that doesn’t happen. 

In the morning, if I leave him with his medicine container, a post-it note, and some water – he will take his meds without being told. Throughout the day, he will take his meds without fussing every time he’s told. Some days, he will even ask, “Mom, is it time for my medicine?” when he’s starting to feel hyper. 

His bedwetting stopped several years ago, and his digestive issues are almost completely gone – thanks to him being willing and eager to have a more varied diet and drink more water (and a ClearLax Subscribe & Save Subscription). 

He ties his own shoes every time, and has even helped Little Brother learn to tie his own shoes.

His dad and I (if I’m honest, more Dad than I) have done the hard work of setting loving boundaries with him and insisting that he rise to his capabilities. He hasn’t always understood why. But now I am seeing small glimpses of what he can “someday” become: a responsible adult that can function “normally” in this world. 

I’m still often tired, frustrated, and annoyed with him (he’s a middle school boy after all!), and I still always have ALL THE THINGS going on in my head. My roles of “special needs mom” and “just his mommy” have blended more seamlessly (along with teacher, counselor, and so many more). I will probably always crave alone time and probably never get enough of it, but I continue to build a life that I don’t feel the need to escape from. 

He will probably never know just how how deeply I love him. Does any kid? But when he still grabs my hand on a family walk or gives me a kiss on the cheek in the middle of church, I know that he is expressing his love because he feels that love reciprocated and he feels safe with me. 

I’m so thankful for this awesome kid who will be an official teenager next month (ready or not!). I am thankful for the progress he has made. I’m thankful for the people who have loved and supported us along the way. It’s been hard, but God has been with us each step of the way – guiding us, caring for us, opening our eyes to the changes we needed to make because of our kid and FOR our kid. 

As he has grown up, I have grown up too. Happy {Early} Birthday baby boy.