9 Comments

  1. Angelika

    I know it must be very hard to decide how to parent number two after Ezra. However I want to lovingly caution you: Limit setting is not something babies can understand. Toddlers slowly learn to respect boundaries, a baby cannot. You are right to learn and grow and change your parenting, but mind your timing. Pushing your baby to early independance can backfire later on.
    It would be better to respond more now, soothe to sleep,etc, and trust that this is a perfectly normal child who will grow into independance naturally, as you gradually set age-and development-appropriate limits.
    If you are burnt out, I hesitate to heap guilt feelings on you. You must take care of yourself, and baby will certainly survive. But don’t be too quick to jump to the opposite range of parenting strategies. Attachment parenting, with healthy limits from toddlerhood onwards, works well for the average child. If a child is given all that security and trust in his first year, he will take the loving limit-setting in the coming years better.
    And please don’t think I am advocating doing everything as you did with Ezra. We must learn and grow, and as you know better, you will do better. Just a loving word of caution. It is too easy to go wrong by simply heading the opposite direction.

  2. Wow…I’m not a mother but I also have an ISFJ personality and so much of this resonates with me. I’ve been working on setting proper boundaries since not doing so really does take a toll on one’s health and relationships after a while. I even get what you mean about attachment parenting to an extent. I worked in a nursery and I was the only employee who would hold the babies just because they wanted to be held. After a while, I noticed that they would be perfectly fine and then cry when I walked in the room, despite nothing being wrong, because they knew I would pick them up. It was exhausting because the ratio was 4 babies to 1 employee and they all wanted 100% of my attention. I am glad you are learning to practice self care. I know it is hard, as ISFJs, we want to always be there for everyone. But taking care of yourself first is vital to being able to take care of those we love <3

    • Emilee, that is very interesting. My 2nd baby gets held far less and yet is much happier. Funny how that work. He loves to be held though. It’s all about balance!

  3. Amanda Hill

    I’ll disagree with above comments. All children are different and you, as a very attuned mother, were able to identify your child’s behavior patterns and shape them. While I love the ‘idea’ of AP, it makes the mother’s job just that much more difficult. Thank you for sharing and I think you’re right on!

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