12 Comments

  1. Keriann Collmann

    Do you have any additional resources surrounding the “always try” rule? I am finding this is applying to my ADHD son more and more, where he’s afraid to try/afraid to fail.

    • Just a lot of talking about how it’s ok to fail, ok to mess up. A lot of modeling (talking about your own failures). With food, OT has helped. Modeling too with mommy eating / trying foods she doesn’t like.

      Rewards for trying.

      First/then. First you try. If you can’t figure it out / do it , etc, then I’ll do it for/with you. (We are still dealing with him refusing to tie his shoes and this is the tactic we use).

      The Daniel tiger episode with the song “keep trying, you’ll get better.”

      There’s a song on Pandora about trying / practicing. I’ll try to find it tomorrow and post it here.

  2. We added to this, be safe. I always think that it’s a good goal to instill safety, we are all safety officers. Teach them this while they are young! You gave us the start of the four rules, and for that I’m greatful.

    • I’ll be honest: consequences is a big struggle for us as parents.

      1) It seems like no matter how many times we give consequences for offenses, the next day he will do the exact same thing. This is truly an issue of impulse control and emotional regulation problems.

      2) Often, “consequences” punish the parents more than the child. Such as no screen time or taking away other “fun” activities.

      We use a color clip-chart system, which I explain in detail here: https://www.facebook.com/specialneedssurvival/videos/1768995683321070/

      I also talk about cognitive behavioral therapy techniques we are using here: https://www.facebook.com/specialneedssurvival/videos/1802309059989732/
      and here: https://www.facebook.com/specialneedssurvival/videos/1802337943320177/

      The big thing is not that he doesn’t know the rules and expected behavior (he can recite these rules by heart), or even that he doesn’t know positive alternatives and coping skills for negative behavior (we’ve practiced, role played, and gone over them a million of times). But rather than, in the moment, his ability to regulate his emotions, stop and think about what he needs to do…it all happens so fast that it’s not until after the fact that he’s able to process what happened and how he should have behaved.

      I promise, if I ever come up with a good solution about how to “fix” this aspect of ADHD/ODD, I’ll let everyone know. It’s exhausting, overwhelming, and very discouraging.

  3. Jill Natale

    My son tends to yell and argue a lot! What do you do when you say the rule and you get an eye roll or “blah, blah, blah”? I want to stick to a routine but I know consequences have to be enforced to get them to stick.

    • Copying this from another comment I replied to that asked about consequences:

      I’ll be honest: consequences is a big struggle for us as parents.

      1) It seems like no matter how many times we give consequences for offenses, the next day he will do the exact same thing. This is truly an issue of impulse control and emotional regulation problems.

      2) Often, “consequences” punish the parents more than the child. Such as no screen time or taking away other “fun” activities.

      We use a color clip-chart system, which I explain in detail here: https://www.facebook.com/specialneedssurvival/videos/1768995683321070/

      I also talk about cognitive behavioral therapy techniques we are using here: https://www.facebook.com/specialneedssurvival/videos/1802309059989732/
      and here: https://www.facebook.com/specialneedssurvival/videos/1802337943320177/

      The big thing is not that he doesn’t know the rules and expected behavior (he can recite these rules by heart), or even that he doesn’t know positive alternatives and coping skills for negative behavior (we’ve practiced, role played, and gone over them a million of times). But rather than, in the moment, his ability to regulate his emotions, stop and think about what he needs to do…it all happens so fast that it’s not until after the fact that he’s able to process what happened and how he should have behaved.

      I promise, if I ever come up with a good solution about how to “fix” this aspect of ADHD/ODD, I’ll let everyone know. It’s exhausting, overwhelming, and very discouraging.

  4. This is a really great article. I realized I’m already implementing these four rules with my twin sons (yes, both have ADHD), but maybe I’m not making it “short and sweet” enough so they can wrap their brains around it more easily. Thanks for pointing that out to me. You’re obviously a great mommy. Keep up the good work. God bless!

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