This is the moment everything up til this moment formed into this realization of healing. Because not once during the last few days had I been triggered. Not one hymn. Not one shudder induced by a smell or a sight. No anger. No pain. No regret. Just genuine gratitude and bittersweet joy for my family, for my grandma’s prayers, for the good old hymns, for each and every last memory.
Maybe you have looked up to people like Rachel Held Evans and Joshua Harris. I know that I did. Maybe their deconstruction stories have shaken your faith. Maybe you wonder if faith deconstruction is for you. Maybe you are ready to walk away from it all. It’s tempting to take a hacksaw to your faith, dump the remains in the yard waste cart, and wipe your hands of it all as the city utility workers haul it all away. But I urge you: build a compost pile. Stay. Please stay. Because the tree grows on the fallen forest. If it died, it can live again.
My counselor looked at me with a tilt of her sassy head and a half-smile and and said, “But girl, remember who you battle! You were riding high and Satan couldn’t have that. Satan hates the family, and he’s doing everything he can to destroy yours. He was gonna hit you hard and he sure did!”
Regeneration. Congratulations. If you have even clicked on this post I admire your bravery in tackling a big scary Bible word. Even growing up in a Bible-saturated environment like I did, I admit that I haven’t taken the time I should to dig deep and figure out what God actually means by the word regeneration. … [Read more…]
I received the following message from a former acquaintance recently: What advice would you give someone preparing to step out of a IFB, Legalistic Church? I sent this person a bit of advice over messenger, but as I thought about it a bit more, I felt like it would be apropos to include a post of … [Read more…]
{Warning, this post contains brief but graphic depiction of sexual abuse. Proceed with caution.} As a semi-avid follower of the sport of gymnastics for the last few years, it has been impossible for me to avoid being touched by the heartache of the Larry Nassar case. For those of you who know nothing of which … [Read more…]
In the last segment of this series, I spoke about the practical struggle of everyday Christian living when you are a recovering legalist. Mainly, doing the “right thing” when you don’t want to, navigating spiritual disciplines, and how to know if you are living in your own strength or God’s power. I concluded my last post … [Read more…]
The practical struggle of everyday Christian living when you are a recovering legalist When I spent two and a half months in 2013 fleshing out the theology of grace while telling my personal story, I came to a lot of good conclusions that I believe to be Biblical. Let me summarize them in a nutshell: … [Read more…]
Nearly every Sunday morning I sit down in the pews of our church with ease, knowing that I am safe and loved. But that doesn’t keep me from sometimes being blindsided with songs, Christian jargon, and even Bible verses that I find to be triggers to some of the darker days of my spiritual past. … [Read more…]
When we moved into our new home in April, we were totally in love with the fenced-in yard on a corner lot that came with it. Three massive oaks line the front yard and five white pines offer shade or our spacious side yard. Scattered in between the bigger trees were a varied assortment of … [Read more…]