I could name this blog category many things. Over the last year, it has become about far more than just recovering from perfectionism, although that’s still a huge aspect. These posts also chronicle my journey away from legalism, self-guilt, self-doubt, lack of boundaries, and hardcore “fundamental” Christianity. I’m a work in progress and recovery has not been easy.
This is the moment everything up til this moment formed into this realization of healing. Because not once during the last few days had I been triggered. Not one hymn. Not one shudder induced by a smell or a sight. No anger. No pain. No regret. Just genuine gratitude and bittersweet joy for my family, for my grandma’s prayers, for the good old hymns, for each and every last memory.
A week ago we sat on the counselor’s couch. I was perturbed because even after declaring to my husband, “We’re here for you,” somehow the conversation kept coming around to me and my issues with perfectionism. *sigh* I say, “I just don’t know why God made me this way.” I’ve made significant strides in combating … [Read more…]
I was cleaning my bedroom last week when this quote popped into my head. I had cleaned off my night stand, including my new(ish) journaling Bible that had been resting there. While I have been using it (more on this to come), it’s not falling apart by any means. It’s condition might even be called … [Read more…]
Dear Facebook: we’ve made it ten years. Can you believe it? At the beginning, you were a means to an end, you know? I wanted to talk to my new best friend, who lived in Australia at the time. She recommended you, and we hit it off well. Remember those early days of character limits … [Read more…]
Hot angry tears were rolling down my face as we went back and forth, round and round. It was one of those conversations that needed to happen but was hard for both of us. We were both hurt – although, I probably more than she. We were both struggling to understand each other. The tears … [Read more…]
I saw my counselor today. We met for an hour. I was exhausted before we even got going. When I got out, all I wanted to do was take a nap. That, my friends, is severe introversion at its best and finest. I long-ago made peace with the fact that I’m an introvert. (Thank you, … [Read more…]
This past Sunday night, after a long battle with my digital TV antennae, I settled myself down in the basement couch to watch the USA Women’s Gymnastics Olympic Trials. I found myself a little overcome with emotion. Four years ago, I watched the Fierce Five win gold from the same couch set in our little … [Read more…]
I grew up in a house full of plants. My mom has a real knack for tending for houseplants, and it showed in the Fika trees, ivy, African violets, and spider plants that reproduced like bunnies at Easter time that always graced our household decor. When I got married, our house had plants. It wasn’t … [Read more…]
It’s that time of year when posts pop up all over the internet about Lent. I personally have never been an observer of Lent, but I can relate to the depth of what it means to people. And here’s why: In the spring of 2012 – after a very difficult few months trying to mother a challenging toddler … [Read more…]
If you have followed my blog over the years, you know that I struggle with perfectionism, longing for control, obsessive thinking, and trying too hard. I’m a proactive doer. Type A, if you will. Having an unplanned cesarean birth did much to expose this part of me that often gets me into big trouble – … [Read more…]