I sit here failing for words. I feel like I’m on the verge of something new, but yet unable to put my finger on what that might be.
I tell my husband these things in the car. We are talking about my blog. He speaks of goal-setting and then he tells me to figure out what my one message should be. The one thing I want to teach or share, if I were speaking to a live audience. And then to keep coming back to that one thing.
“Yeah, but I already know what that is…” I tell him.
“It’s finding God’s beauty in my mess, and giving others hope that they can find God’s beauty in their mess too.”
I believe that this message is something that I have come back to time and time again, and successfully so.
But I’ve focused a lot – maybe too much – on the mess.
The mess of mothering a difficult child.
The mess of loving a combat veteran.
The mess of a troubled spiritual past.
The mess of developing personal identity.
The mess of mothering through chronic fatigue syndrome.
At Allume, Katie and I got to talking about how, so often, we just long for people to truly get how much we have been through, and what we are going through. I think a lot of this has come out in my blogging.
It’s been a lot about my mess.
There’s been a lot of self-justification. Continue reading