Formula, FODMAPs, and other "F-ing" things I learned in April

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I’ll get to formula and FODMAPS in a second, but before y’all go up in arms at my use of foul language on my faith-based blog, I have to explain:

We play this game in the car sometimes. It’s a game I learned from my mother. It’s played like this:

One person thinks of an item and says this, “I went to the grocery store (or hardware store, or toy store, or any kind of store really) and I bought (insert the first letter of the item here). Then the other people in the car ask questions until they are able to guess what the item is.

So we were playing this game with Ezra last week and he says this:

“I went to the store and I bought a F-ING R!”

And while Russ and I look at each other and start laughing our heads off, he continues to say, “Yeah, and Grandpa has one but Daddy doesn’t know how to use it!”

If you must know, the answer is “fishing rod.” I will never again look at a fishing rod without laughing.

_____

Now that we have that out of the way:

April was a month for learning. Isn’t every month? *sigh*

But I keep changing and growing and it just never stops. Occasionally, I like to share these things with all of you. So here’s a very random list about formula, FODMAPs, and all of the other things I learned over the last few weeks:

1. FODMAPS

One of my favorite foods, French Onion Soup, has been making me sicker than a dog. My allergy doctor finally showed me why. FODMAPs! So now I am on a very very very very very very very very restrictive diet that is very very very very very very not fun. {If you want to know exactly what I am and am not eating these days, you can look at this Facebook post.}

Life without FODMAPs is simply no life at all. In other words, I am handling this horribly. Dietary restrictions due to food intolerances are the worst. Recipe searching is nearly impossible. Even sites that allow you to put in specific ingredients to exclude from your search? Yeah, they have a cap at about 4 foods. FOUR. Try FOURTEEN y’all!!!

Gluten free? It’s a BREEZE. You can walk into most places and ask, “Hey, do you know if this is gluten free?” or “Hey do you have a gluten free menu?” You simply haven’t lived the miserable life of food sensitivities until you have asked the people behind the counter at ChickFilA to tell you the ingredients of their nuggets and had them bring out THE MARINADE BOX only to find that it lists “SPICES” as one of the ingredients. And by SPICES do you mean GARLIC and ONION!?!?!?!?! BECAUSE THEY ARE OUT TO KILL ME

Needless to say, I can now have exactly THREE things at CFA: french fries, Lemonade, and iced tea. And that’s if I’m cheating on the low-sugar part of the diet.

This week my husband wanted to take me on a lunch date or a dinner date or just a date and he asked me, “Where can you eat?” and I was like, “I don’t think I can eat anywhere!”

Well, I stand corrected. There is actually ONE place that I can eat. Jason’s Deli. Because they have baked potatoes (Plain Jane, hold the sour cream and onions), Udi’s gluten free bread for build-your-own sandwhiches, and gluten free snickerdoodles.

Also, my new mantra is, “LET THEM EAT STEAK!”

Confession: I drown my #foodallergyproblems sorrows in expensive steaks cooked in copious amounts of butter…and lactose free ice cream. @lowesfoods

A photo posted by Aprille (@beautyinhistime) on Apr 27, 2016 at 2:13pm PDT

2. FORMULA

An eight month old baby CAN be taught to take a bottle if you are persistent enough. They can also learn to take formula. I know because last week I decided that I couldn’t nurse this little guy through the night any more or I was going to lose my ever-lovin’ mind. Now, I don’t have to. Thank you, Gerber Soothe formula! I wish I could put into words how this makes me feel. I can’t, really. But this is the closest I have been able to come:

#littlebrother just drank his first bottle ever of 100% @gerber formula! You know what I’m thankful for? Growing. The ability that God has given us as moms to make good choices for our babies…even if they fall far different from those around us, or even those of our former self! With Ezra, we nursed for 29 months and attended every @lalecheleagueusa meeting we could. No bottles, no paci. But that was then and this is now. I’m not totally the same Mommy I was then. I’ve learned my personal limits. I’ve learned how to set boundaries. I’ve learned how to be more balanced and prioritize self care. I’ve learned that yes, “A person’s a person, no matter how small,” but that I’m a person too. How long will we nurse? Honestly, I don’t know. We will be taking it one feeding at a time, evaluating what we BOTH need in that moment. It’s bittersweet, but I’m so thrilled!! #weaning #fedisbest #saneisbest A photo posted by Aprille (@beautyinhistime) on Apr 29, 2016 at 5:54pm PDT

3. Frivolity

Today I finished Hart of Dixie. My husband can’t even with its ridiculousness, but I thought it was really really sweet.

Speaking of ridiculousness – those ridiculous Belles on Hart of Dixie? They exist! *MIND BLOWN* Check out this page to NC’s own Azelea Belles!

I may have lost a few brain cells watching Hart of Dixie, but I don’t regret it. I mostly watched it for the cute sundresses and amazing hairstyles. And Annabeth Nass.

Channeling my inner Annabeth Nass. I have a girl crush on @kaitlyn_black29 s hair. #sundayselfie #teamAB A photo posted by Aprille (@beautyinhistime) on May 1, 2016 at 7:04am PDT

4. Frazzled Sunday Morning Mommas

I posted this on a whim on Instagram – and then to Facebook – at the beginning of the month. It got an incredible amount of views and shares. I had no idea it would strike such a chord with my readers and social media audience. All I can say is this: We are all in this together. And Tired, Frazzled Mommas? You aren’t alone.

Dear Mom who was called out of church service to care for her children: Congratulations. You made it to church this morning. I know that was no easy feat. And if you had a chance to do your hair and makeup today or brush your teeth, you get bonus points. I know you are frazzled. I know Sundays are full of interruptions and worries and trying to hear the voice of God amidst some serious chaos. Maybe, like me, your sleepless nights have brought you into a place of being soul-weary and barely holding together. And maybe being called away from the sermon to nurse a screaming baby or calm a child having a meltdown was not in your plan for today. But in this moment, it is good enough to say to God, “I’m here. Bedraggled and empty I’m here. This – caring for the children You have entrusted to me – is the only worship I can offer to You today.” And so now as his body is calm, his breathing back to normal, finally asleep for the first time in hours, and as we sit alone in a quiet room to wait out the rest of the service, God gently says, “Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” #middleplaces @middleplaces A photo posted by Aprille (@beautyinhistime) on Apr 3, 2016 at 8:55am PDT

5. Facebook Live

Apparently Facebook is trying to be like Periscope by allowing a live video feed feature. I REALLY want to try it on my page. But I don’t know what I would talk about. Also, put me in front of a camera and I do crazy things, like this:

I might have officially lost it! @target #momlife #mommyproblems #vacation #messyhairdontcare #outofdiapers A video posted by Aprille (@beautyinhistime) on Apr 16, 2016 at 6:07am PDT

So, leave your best ideas for Facebook Live in the comments and I’ll see if I’m brave enough to pull it off.

6. Faith, Failure, and Sleep Deprivation

I had some hard realizations this month. One being that when my babies don’t sleep I get really really mad at God. Because I really don’t get it. How easy would it be for Him to just let those littles rest? And teething? Come on!!! Really? Does He purposely WANT mothers to fail at life?

I sort of put my foot in my mouth…in church y’all. I blurted out in a Bible study on prayer how I was mad at God that my babies don’t sleep. Can I blame the sleep deprivation?

My pastor then asked the congregation to consider this:

Do we really believe that God is good?

That night I went home and had a dream that I was sobbing and telling my pastor, “I just don’t know if I can believe that God is good…”

It really shook me. It’s a question I’m still pondering – trying to sort through it. Challenge myself with those words. Do I really believe?

Sleep deprivation is no joke. Now that I’m feeding Little Brother formula, I’m getting more sleep – and as I told a friend on Sunday, “I’m feeling a lot more Christian now that I’m getting some sleep!”

Now I know God is good because He let men create formula. (See #2.) However, I still don’t know why He lets babies not sleep.

7. Fourteen Day Return Policies

If you are going to switch back to a PC from a Macbook Pro, don’t ever buy a cheap laptop. I bought an HP Notebook on sale and for two weeks I tried to convince myself that I liked it. In truth, I hated it. It hurt my eyes. It was slow. Everything about it was awful. Finally, on the last day of the 14 day window of the return policy, I boxed it up and rushed back to Office Depot. We ordered a more expensive Asus that evening (still far less than half the cost of a new Macbook) and it’s been a GREAT computer so far.

8. Friends and Brothers

This one is for free, my friends. I simply can’t wait to see how these boys grow and how their relationship changes through the years!