“God made the right call” – Professional and pastoral advice at the Sing Conference (Lessons from SING! Part 3)

In my last post, I talked about how I really crashed, emotionally, on the 2nd day of the conference. I was hit with my smallness, my insignificance, and my lack of experience and training to be a songwriter. I was dealing with jealousy and a desire for my work to be recognized.

Then God brought along two opportunities that helped me make sense of my scattered and raw emotions.

A (Professional) Feedback Opportunity

The Sing Conference had a Sing Conference app, complete with a “Social Wall” social media forum of sorts. I think that most attendees didn’t know this existed, or didn’t know how to use it. But I found myself checking it throughout the conference. That’s when I stumbled upon an opportunity I was pretty sure was the “in” I had been hoping for. (Spoiler: It wasn’t. But there’s a lot more to this story.)

I reached out to Peter and, nearly immediately, he wrote me back and set up a meet. The meeting took place around lunchtime on that same day of the conference…you know…the one where I spent the whole morning crying?

I was so nervous – and still feeling so small – that I asked our music leader (and fellow Songwriter’s Guild member) to come with me for moral support. That was a wonderful decision, because she was also able to gain much from Peter regarding things like publishing entities, ASCAP, CCLI, and other Greek-to-me church music stuff that I knew absolutely nothing about.

I talked to Peter very honestly about my struggles:

He gave me a lot of good advice. He went into a long explanation about LOGIC, Cubase, and how these programs work to play using MIDI and have the program score what is played.

I was immediately reeling with overwhelm. As I told Peter, “I need to figure this out. I get so overwhelmed and intimidated by the technology end of it.”

He explained how most of the people who are writing songs right now are starting with phone voice memos:

It’s taken me a long time time to sort through a lot of what he said. There’s still a part of me that feels the urgent need to LEARN ALL THE TECHNOLOGY RIGHT NOW. But rather than jump into the technology or make a big software purchase, I have those words, “Leverage the technology that’s available to you,” running through my head.

Right now, that’s Finale, and maybe Dorico, which I have purchased and messed around with a tiny bit. It might be cumbersome, but it seems that each arrangement I work on, I learn something new about the program or figure out some new shortcut. Using Finale – for now – requires less brain power than learning something new would, even if that something new might speed up the process or save me time in the long run.

I’m pressing into this busy life stage, trying to leverage the technology (and time) that I currently have, and learn contentment in the waiting. I tend to forget I have a lot of life left ahead of me (God-willing!) and will not always have my boys in the home needing my ever-present attention. The technology, degree programs, playlists, podcasts, etc., aren’t going anywhere, and will be there waiting for me when I’m ready.

But my biggest takeaway from the meeting was what he said in response to my question about feedback and getting more eyes on my work.

He said, “Honestly, your church is your feedback, so don’t be afraid to introduce new songs.” He recommended using “nights of worship” where we introduce new songs to our congregation, something we have already been doing maybe twice a year. “That is actually a really good opportunity…make it a regular thing, commit to it…whoever shows up, if it’s two people. Use that opportunity to do it within the context of your church, because you can learn pretty quickly if it’s something is singable or not.”

This really resonated with me. While it would be a dream come true for a “big name” songwriter to actually look and my arrangements and say they are good (or even bad!) and give me feedback, that’s not what matters right now. Because that’s not who I’m currently writing for. I’m writing for my church family, and God, and that’s it. God hasn’t opened any doors beyond that, so I have to trust that this is where He has me for a reason.

And, so far, my church feedback has been really, really good. (See my last post.) Maybe my music is full of theory errors and parallel fifths, and maybe I’m breaking all the rules I don’t even know about. But my church thinks it’s singable and usable. I have my fellow Songwriter’s Guild members to help me work out harmonies and song structure, and I have our church vocal team to offer musical feedback as far as vocal melody and harmony lines. Right now, and maybe for a long while, that’s enough. Because my church is my feedback.

I returned to my local church reinvigorated to invest where God has me, right now.

A (Pastoral) Feedback Opportunity

There was another opportunity that really – to me – was the most important thing that happened to me at the Sing Conference.

There’s a composer, arranger, and engraver whose work our church uses extensively. He is a Minister of Music at a church in Florida, and puts out a variety of arrangements of well-known hymns (both ancient and modern). I admire him so greatly because of his skill in arranging beautiful accompaniments to the songs we love that have alternative harmonies and lot of interesting passages. The piano accompaniments to his arrangments are at a higher difficulty level than the average piano accompaniment of arrangements we get at Lifeway Music, Sovereign Grace, or Getty Music. They are HARD. There’s lots of 16th notes and complicated rhythms. His arrangements have jarred me out of my rut and forced me to spend more time at the piano, where I must use my metronome, write in finger numbers, and just practice…over, and over, and over.

The increase in practice time for these songs has brought me back to a lot of the practice techniques I used in college, and I’ve come to really enjoy practicing (something that being a music major in college really destroyed my love for). The increase in practice time, learning these very difficult arrangements, improving my practice technique, and having to work around a permanently cut tendon in my right hand have combined to make me a more skilled and confident musician…and a better pianist. So, I feel like I owe him a debt of gratitude.

He’s not a name that 99% of the people at the Sing Conference would know – and he’s content to let it be so, even though he did have quite a bit of responsibilities behind the scenes at the conference. But while most of the attendees at the conference would be excited to hear Shane & Shane or the Gettys sing in person, or hope for a meet with someone like Laura Story, I was most ecstatic that this arranger would be at the conference, and that I would finally get to meet him!

I met him initially on the first afternoon of the conference, when I made a beeline for his Hymnworks booth. But I continued doing walks by his booth, hoping for a slower traffic time where I could talk to him in more detail. I was hopeful to get some professional insight into his arranging process, technical and theory advice, and just comraderie from another arranger who isn’t up there on the stage.

It was the evening of this second night – late after the final session when most attendees were hanging out at the late night concerts. I was about to head to bed early, but decided to stop in the vendor hall before they closed at 10PM, just in case. Many vendors were still there, but the hall was much quieter than it normally was during the busy times of the day. And there he was. I pulled up a chair, and got to talk to him in earnest.

I was a mess, still feeling vulnerable (not to mention utterly exhausted) from the day. I told him my story. My background in fundamentalism. Leaving Bible college under difficult circumstances. How I didn’t play the piano for a decade. How I feel like I’ve now been thrown into the deep end of music arranging work that I’m not equipped to do.

And he did give me some good musical advice. But he has a gift of discernment, and could sense my insecurities and angst. He told me right off the bat, “Well the first counsel I’m going to give you is not musical, but pastoral.”

He then gently reproved me:

Ouch. If that didn’t hit me right in my insecurities…

He talked about both the life of Job and a personal tragedy he had endured:

His insight and ability to gently pinpoint my weaknesses was astounding:

He was right. I didn’t realize it until that moment, but I HAD been growing discontent and questioning the path my life had taken…regretting leaving Bible college rather than getting more music education. Wondering if God had made the “right call” by giving me a husband and kids with disabilities, as though those things were somehow holding me back from my real destiny as a church musician and professional songwriter.

I told him how the conference was making me feel so small and insignificant. His response was another truth-bomb:

When I talked to him about how my responsibilities as a wife and mom so often press in and overwhelm me, and leave little time for music projects. He was so affirming in that, in this being the life stage where God has me.

Again, a much needed sucker-punch reminder about what my true priorities should be.

His final encouragements were exactly what I needed to hear, and echoed the words of one of the texts I had received earlier that day:

The roots of feeling like I’m not doing enough or that God isn’t pleased with me run deep and are ever-present, no matter how hard I yank on them. (Just ask my husband, he’ll tell you!) So these truths I needed to hear just as much as I needed the reproof that God had made the right call with my life.

He ended by praying with me and for me:

I left the vendor hall that night a blubbering, snotty mess. It wasn’t pretty. But I was filled with such a peace.

While these two meeting were very different from each other, the message from God was the same: