16 Comments

  1. I, too, have struggled with this, Aprille. We’ve talked some about it. Lately, it has been especially hard and I’ve kept alot of things inside. I met up with some friends for coffee and a playdate and it all just came bursting forth.. my frustration, anger, and immense hurt that had been building up. My friends just prayed for me and I walked away feeling lighter and more hopeful then I had in a long time.

    • I’m glad that you had a moment with friends like that. That’s exactly what we need sometimes! Hope we can catch up and reschedule our coffee date soon!

  2. finally got a chance to read this one! i love it!! my husband is amazing and i look up to him more than anyone and brag about him constantly. but because we are both human and have flaws, we still get on each others nerves and have fights. there are lots of times he makes me angry! no marriage is perfect, not one. i have to reach out to other women whom i trust also, and it makes a HUGE difference!

  3. Leslie McNeil

    I know my heart resonates with your post… I don’t believe I would have been divorced had I had a community of believers… older women with God’s wisdom and a bread basket full of wisdom from seeking His face, that I could have confided in, and looking back… would have given me advice about changing ME… not my husband. I gently suggest that while it ‘make take community’ — it also takes three. I’m married again, thankfully so! And aA cord of three strands is not easily broken. And that cord, involved in a covenant relationship works beautifully, I think. That relationship with girlfriends, that someone to talk to, should be one of constant SACRED trust, accountability, and seeking of the Lord in prayer, worship, and loving kindness… even when the truth is hard to speak. Thank you for writing about this! Titus 2:3-4 ~ YES!

  4. I completely agree! (I came across your post through you like on BTI’s facebook page, btw.) I wrote something similar in a post on my blog. About how I felt so alone and confused for the first couple of years of my marriage, because everyone I knew was stone silent about the hard parts. Great post!

  5. Thank you for this post. I have been feeling guilty these past few days. I have been in the exact situation like this. Husband and I had issues and I was so hurt and I thought I can handle it alone. Until I finally gave up and asked a friend to meet with me and we talked about our problem. I also asked my sisters in law to call me and I poured everything I feel to the two of them. I felt relieved after that hearing them say that they’ve been there too. And gave me advice to hold on and keep the marriage intact. Days passed, and hubby and I are getting along well again. My problem was I am now feeling guilty of sharing a bit of the dark side about our marriage. But with your post, I felt relieved.

    • I’m glad I could offer some perspective. Yes we have to be careful and only go to women who value marriage and God’s principles. But seeking advice truly can be a big help!

  6. Aprille,

    Thank you so much for this post. (I am looking through your blog after finding you via FMF, and I saw the button for this post.) I know how you feel because my husband and I were treated like Prince Charming and Cinderella when we got engaged and then married. In fact, believe it or not, several of the single women got together and asked me to speak to them on how I found and married him (like there was a silver bullet method to being married??). At that time, we were several months into our marriage and I wanted to die I was hurting so badly, and I was TERRIFIED to tell anyone about it. And I also can relate to the way that secrecy created fertile ground for bitterness. The way our marriage has played out (we will celebrate 15 years together this January), it is truly a MIRACLE of God that we are still together. But I give Him all the glory. And our marriage is amazing now, compared to what it was, which gives me hope for the future!

    Thank you, again, SO much for your honesty. It is important that women understand how much we need support from each other.

    Blessings to you and upon your marriage!
    Selena

    • Selena thank you for taking the time to look around and comment on this post. And thank you for sharing your story. I wish more women would be honest about how hard marriage is. I admit, I still don’t share an awful lot about my marriage but when I do, I try to be honest because I know there are people in GOOD marriages that still have a rough time. We NEED our brothers and sisters in Christ to help lift us up during those times, but if we are afraid to speak out because we might be viewed as sinful or disrespectful, everybody loses.

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