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  1. CorasMama

    I loved this, as a parent of an autistic teen. The one thing I’d point out, though, is perhaps don’t tell me you’ll pray for healing for my kid’s autism. I like him how he is, and he’s not damaged or diseased, just different. And diversity is good. How he views the world has value for all of us.

    But again, I loved this, and thank you for writing it!

  2. patricia Gray

    I am a special needs mom of a 3 year old little girl …her name is Danielle and she was diagnosed with a birth defect that affects the eyes which is named ” Coloboma ” she is visually impaired but she is such a trooper . She is also developmentally delayed also has low muscle tone .
    We were told by her developmental specialist that she wouldnt be able to kick a ball and as of today she does just that . Her eye specialist is very pleased with her vision and has told us numerous times that his vision is blurry when it comes to her future as he is amazed at her sight.
    As her parent I have learned that never to take life for granted and never wish your child to be normal because all special needs children are normal in their own unique way they just show it in different ways and more ways than one. The sky is the limit and always give praise to the Lord above for what he has blessed you with because he knew you as a Mother could take on all that responsibility and roll with it . We are the lucky ones because our Special Needs teaches us a whole new perspective in life. So please keep fighting that fight with your child and always pray that special prayer and always hold your chin up high and never let that devil get you down always ask God for guidance and never be ashamed .. God bless and love and prayers to each of you.

  3. Your post is a great reminder that we all treat each other with respect. Just like we embrace unfamiliar cultures, we embrace each other. Just like if you have a boy and your friend has a girl. We notice differences and engage in conversation about it. With intrigue, sincere inquiry and out of love. How can you go wrong with that? What happens is if a mom feels inferior to one or the other then a defense stance is worn, or if jealousy or anything that is not of love because you worry or simply don’t understand yourself becomes your stance then how can you embrace others from either direction with a sincere approach of, “how are you?” In any situation we are unfamiliar with, we simply come from a place of love. If a mom reacts to you (remember this applies to both sides) when you simply inquired the “wrong” way, then all you can do is give grace. Try and reiterate your intent of knowing. Isn’t that why we ask questions in the first place or spend time with each other? To know, to be, to enjoy being in relationship. When all of us put our insecurities aside then we are able to embrace either party on each side. So if your child has a disability and you think someone is looking at your weird or you feel odd, maybe they do too or they just want to embrace you normally. That is how I operate anyway. And again, a woman with a child with disabilities or a woman with a child that may not have disabilities simply need to approach each other “normally.”

    My friend has had a child with “abnormal” behavior and has been diagnosed with a few disabilities and we simply go about our visit with whatever needs attention at the time. There is no certain way we go around treating each other differently. We just exist together with whatever we are doing. Take away the “classification” and just be. No reason to treat anyone differently. Just be.

  4. D Carr

    I am a mother of a 32 yr.old daughter who was diagnosed with mental retardation and autism. back then not much was mentioned about it and she wasn’t diagnosed til she was 10 as autistic. Offer to sit with the child so the mom and dad can have an evening together. It does put a strain on the marriage. Or so they can do things with other children if they have them. Offer to take over a meal. How hard is it to double a recipe if you are cooking for your family.Things can really get hectic and you can only do fast food so long. A girls night would be wonderful. Grabbing a burger or seeing a movie will give her a break. And remember the child will get older and may be more difficult for them to participate or go along. Parents may feel torn when siblings are involved in school activities. One parent may have to stay home with the child. REALLY get to know the child so they feel comfortable leaving the child with you and you will be comfortable with the child. So if you ask her out and she says she doesn’t have anyone to sit with her child say that’s ok. we’ll bring them along. That way you will see how she handles situations and be more comfortable. Having a friend to help is a blessing that they won’t take for granted!

  5. Anna

    Hi, found your post via Pinterest and wanted to tell you what a beautiful thing it was to read. I was so touched by your desire to be an empathetic and understanding friend; you come across as the kind of friend any SN mom would love to have. I am relatively new to this journey(my daughter with downs is 20 mos old) but already have known the pain of losing friendships because of discomfort, the difficulties of talking about her with friends trying hard to be sympathetic, and the healing of open conversations about misunderstandings. Have shared this post with good friends who truly love our family just to encourage them in how they are already loving us well. Thank you for your compassionate heart that can truly only come from God, and for writing such wonderful advice!

    • Anna, thank you so much for reading and sharing. My three best friends all have children with autism so it becomes more of a passion of mine with each passing day!

  6. Maureen Rodgers

    The advice comment is the best suggestion. As an RN treating my son for cancer was a challenge and so many people tried to give me advice on new treatments. They were not medical people just friends so it hurt to think I wasn!t doing enough to find treatment.

  7. I am in tears reading this. What a wonderful friend you are to take the time to be such a voice for your friends of special needs kiddos. I could relate to everything you wrote as a mom of a special needs boy, and feel so energized by your words and how you are engaged in your friends lives – understanding, compassionate, eager to learn. God bless you!

    • Thank you so much. A year after I wrote this post, my son was diagnosed with special needs myself. My friends pour back into my life DAILY and we have such a sweet friendship. I am glad you were encouraged.

  8. Susannah

    I am crying as I read this because I am a special needs mom that is so tired and so lonely. It’s so hard walking this road sometimes and I feel like most of my family and friends just don’t really get it. I know what my kid does seems cute to them, but they don’t live with us and see the daily meltdowns, struggles and hurts that happen. I’ve been praying for a friend.

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