I sat down to work on our yearly Christmas e-mail this past Wednesday. Three hours later I was still typing and formatting. I got done and was completely overwhelmed and undone. December has already been so full. Just. So. Full. Of. Goodness. Sunday two weeks ago, we joined a Sunday School class that is discussing … [Read more…]
As I write this, I am in the backseat of our minivan on the way home from our family’s 4th of July Summer vacation. For now, everyone is behaving. My heart is full, but I am unsure quite where to begin. Every patriotic holiday evokes emotion for us, but Independence Day is the happiest. It is … [Read more…]
She walks down the center aisle of the chapel – shoulders back, head held high, dog tags around her neck. She carries her six-month-old son in her arms. They are there to say goodbye to the daddy he never really got to know. I sat there near the back in a simple black dress, my … [Read more…]
I’ve always felt like Military Spouse Appreciation Day was a bit of a joke. Why? Because the only people who tell me they appreciate me are my fellow milspouses and so I say, “Back at-cha” and move on with my normal day. But this year feels different. I’ll be honest, I had no intention of writing … [Read more…]
My college years were filled with drama and exhaustion. Going back to school was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do. Ever. Until a year ago. But this story begins long before. I remember the first time I sat in the office of the “Behavioral Health” clinic on post at Fort Knox, Kentucky. Checking … [Read more…]
I grew up in a house full of plants. My mom has a real knack for tending for houseplants, and it showed in the Fika trees, ivy, African violets, and spider plants that reproduced like bunnies at Easter time that always graced our household decor. When I got married, our house had plants. It wasn’t … [Read more…]
Dear Beautiful You: I call you beautiful, sight unseen, because I know that you are. Not because of how you look, but because you are committing your life to a military man. And that, my dear friend, is no easy thing. While you may not have a full scope of understanding of all that will … [Read more…]
In between changing diapers, getting cars run all over my shoulders, pouring coffee, and managing a very hyperactive 5 year old this morning – I walked down stairs with the baby to throw in a load of laundry. The steps that lead down to the basement in our house are pretty steep. Nearly everyone who … [Read more…]
In the five years between our two children’s births, my husband (who is a combat veteran), was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder. While he had always struggled with anxiety, things that he went through in the Army and panic attacks leading to an emotional breakdown on his second deployment (just after our first child was … [Read more…]
I am coming to this space ready to be raw and ramble… you have been forewarned. I feel almost a stranger to the blank space. I’ve written so little here this year and for so many reasons. A year ago, we had just come into acceptance of my husband’s anxiety disorder diagnosis. We had just … [Read more…]
And now the deployments seem like barely a blip on our timeline. A distant memory that only seems strong when I’m Already There comes on the radio and at Christmastime when the music on Pandora reminds me of the three Christmases tinged by separation from the one I love.
It’s hard to think about what kind of boy and man he will grow up to be because of some of the struggles he has, like his sensory issues. It’s another thing to have to worry about how he will turn out because he was constantly having a negative reaction to my disabilities. And ultimately that creates a storm of junk that we can’t “solve” or heal. We are left just to deal with it from day to day and hope that the end is not as bad as it sometimes appears it may be.
I know that Ezra’s issues are not as bad as other kids who have autism and stuff like that. But the stuff I deal with makes it, I think, just as hard.
Can I just take a moment and rave about how great the past few weeks have been? I’m not really sure what has made the difference. Maybe it has something to do with warmer weather, or maybe the new supplement my husband is taking, or maybe the fact that we got to take a vacation and … [Read more…]
Now, we are on the other side, but the prayer remains answered and the love for this community hasn’t gone away. Some days I wish I could just walk away and stop thinking about it but I can’t.
You can take the milspouse out of the military, but you can’t take the military out of the milspouse.