I sat down to work on our yearly Christmas e-mail this past Wednesday. Three hours later I was still typing and formatting. I got done and was completely overwhelmed and undone. December has already been so full. Just. So. Full. Of. Goodness. Sunday two weeks ago, we joined a Sunday School class that is discussing … [Read more…]
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… But you know that’s not always the case. For kiddos that thrive on routines, face behavioral challenges, get overwhelmed quickly, need special diets, and more, facing the holiday season can fill a special needs parent with dread. (Secret: You are not alone!) That’s why it’s so great that … [Read more…]
I’m a week away from being done with my music appreciation class. I have found this class to be highly enjoyable and enlightening. The book has covered the lives of many of the most well-known composers throughout music history. One thing that has been incredibly thought-provoking to me in studying the lives of these men … [Read more…]
I will view self care as a priority rather than an indulgence. I will get better at asking for help. With these resolutions, I entered the New Year. I was tired but happy, and felt like our family was going in a good direction. But then it happened: the same thing that happens every January. … [Read more…]
July 22, 2015 I’m 35 weeks pregnant today. Last night, we attended the 2nd week of our two-week “childbirth refresher” course at the hospital where we will be having Little Brother. Another mom asked a question about catheter procedure during epidurals and spinals, and I almost gasped. Just like that I remembered that the night … [Read more…]
In the five years between our two children’s births, my husband (who is a combat veteran), was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder. While he had always struggled with anxiety, things that he went through in the Army and panic attacks leading to an emotional breakdown on his second deployment (just after our first child was … [Read more…]
I am coming to this space ready to be raw and ramble… you have been forewarned. I feel almost a stranger to the blank space. I’ve written so little here this year and for so many reasons. A year ago, we had just come into acceptance of my husband’s anxiety disorder diagnosis. We had just … [Read more…]
What it means to be a special needs mom is to breathe through the crisis, avoid the crisis, and cherish the small moments when there isn’t one.
It’s hard to think about what kind of boy and man he will grow up to be because of some of the struggles he has, like his sensory issues. It’s another thing to have to worry about how he will turn out because he was constantly having a negative reaction to my disabilities. And ultimately that creates a storm of junk that we can’t “solve” or heal. We are left just to deal with it from day to day and hope that the end is not as bad as it sometimes appears it may be.
I know that Ezra’s issues are not as bad as other kids who have autism and stuff like that. But the stuff I deal with makes it, I think, just as hard.
So you won’t be able come here and find someone who is put together or who breathes inspiration into your life. Sometimes I wish I could be that for you – but I can’t and won’t pretend to be something that I’m not.
But what you can find here is a work in progress.
And now this hangs above the very spot where I prayed a prayer out of complete hopelessness.
this choosing of whitespace, it’s a mighty work. I’m moving a mountain of stress, anxiety, fear, one shovel of scary crap and deep breath at a time.
I’ve realized that you never really stop being scared of marriage because you have to trust God to hold it together when life keeps throwing crap at you and you are just holding on to each other for the ride.