I felt like a good mom today

Today we had Ezra evaluated through our public school district’s special needs department as a candidate for special-needs preschool.

I don’t think I have felt so proud in a long time.

Ezra excelled and shined in every single evaluation. It did my heart good.

Much as I expected, it appears that he will not qualify for the services that they offer in their department (although they haven’t give us a final answer on that as there are still some other processes that they need to go through).

In spite of that, I am so glad we followed this trail of research. Each woman who spoke with me and evaluated him was so full of encouragement and understanding. They heard all of my concerns. They were so impressed. They told me I was doing a good job and that they were amazed at how much I have taught him. They told me that my son didn’t have autism or aspergers or any other behavioral or cognitive deficits, yet didn’t make me feel like I shouldn’t be there or act like I was crazy for wondering.

There was one test that they gave him in which they took him to a higher level than they had ever taken a child before.

I heard a lot of wow and that’s really good and I’ve never seen that before.

And I sat, only able to hear him, not see him – but sat there smiling, beaming, swelling, and laughing at his precocious answers to their questions. Today I just felt so glad to be Ezra’s mommy. And I haven’t felt that way in a really long time.

I suppose that it shouldn’t take a professional telling me I’m a good mom for me to believe it, but that’s the reality sometimes.

I came home and relaxed. Because for the first time in a while I felt like I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone.

I have been seeing this preschool stuff – the six hours a day of whitespace – as this thing that I have to make sure I use really really wisely and don’t waste and make sure I’m doing ALL THE THINGS and all the right things.

But today, while he napped, I watched a bit of TV and didn’t feel so guilty about it.

I’ve cleaned a toilet today. That’s it. And I’m making macaroni and cheese for dinner. But for today, I’m okay with that.

Because I felt like a good mom today, and today, that’s worth celebrating.