I want to be able to control what people think of me. So I explain. And explain some more. And defend.
As a former “good girl” and “recovering perfectionist” and “people pleaser,” a huge part of me so identifies with the message of the song Let It Go from Disney’s Frozen.
Because whether I was wrong – or the critic was wrong – coming face to face with my mistakes is what pushes me closer to Jesus.
But I do have a confession. One big fear. The biggest of big. One that I have hinted at and tried to plan and control away. It’s the one I’m scared of the most.
So I am glad for the lists, the binder, the checklists, and all of the planning that I have put into this conference. There’s a time to plan intentionally and a time to surrender those plans to God willingly.
And so, if you see me at Allume, I will still be sporting this tote bag. And maybe, just maybe, if I’m really brave – I’ll tell you how even though I learn the lesson of God making “everything beautiful in His time,” I still sin and need it lovingly and graciously taught to me time and time again.
Finding God’s beauty in spite of our messy, everyday life. A lengthly post of pictures and updates from August and September 2013.
Now it’s just me and God. No more lists. No more plans. No more subscribing and following and blog stalking. Just some mental quiet over the next four weeks to see what HE wants to do.
I’ve been trying to do way too much. So I took scissors to my schedule and started cutting.
The restrictive cocoon of legalism was a necessary part of my life. It couldn’t make me fly, but there would be no butterfly without it.
The difference between grace-filled me and former legalistic-me has very very little to do with what I do or don’t do, what I abstain from and what I participate in. But it has everything to do with my motivation.
You cannot accept God’s grace for your daily Christian life until you let go of your own righteousness. God’s grace and your own goodness are incompatible. It’s one or the other, and you have to choose.
And so I left it all behind. All the working for His favor. All the seeking for answers. All the desiring of the acceptance of people. Because He already has what I need. And He always has.