Hot angry tears were rolling down my face as we went back and forth, round and round. It was one of those conversations that needed to happen but was hard for both of us. We were both hurt – although, I probably more than she. We were both struggling to understand each other. The tears … [Read more…]
If you have followed my blog over the years, you know that I struggle with perfectionism, longing for control, obsessive thinking, and trying too hard. I’m a proactive doer. Type A, if you will. Having an unplanned cesarean birth did much to expose this part of me that often gets me into big trouble – … [Read more…]
Well ladies, I’ve dropped out of the rat race and I’m waving the white flag of surrender. Do you always have to give up something to gain something? I say yes. But the gain is always worth it.
I want to be able to control what people think of me. So I explain. And explain some more. And defend.
Because whether I was wrong – or the critic was wrong – coming face to face with my mistakes is what pushes me closer to Jesus.
So I am glad for the lists, the binder, the checklists, and all of the planning that I have put into this conference. There’s a time to plan intentionally and a time to surrender those plans to God willingly.
And so, if you see me at Allume, I will still be sporting this tote bag. And maybe, just maybe, if I’m really brave – I’ll tell you how even though I learn the lesson of God making “everything beautiful in His time,” I still sin and need it lovingly and graciously taught to me time and time again.
Now it’s just me and God. No more lists. No more plans. No more subscribing and following and blog stalking. Just some mental quiet over the next four weeks to see what HE wants to do.
What my first year of college taught me is that perfection – whether in your spiritual life or academic – is not possible, no matter how hard you try. That’s why we need Jesus. That’s why we need grace.