How to keep sane when your child won’t sleep
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Public disclaimer: this post is written on very little sleep by a first-trimester pregnant mother who also happens to be the mom of a 4-year-old who has woken up every night in the middle of the night for the last 10 nights and has been up before 5:40AM for the last two mornings. You have been warned.
1. Tell you child that his floor is lava and that if he stays in bed quietly and keeps his feet out of the lava, he will get a marshmallow for breakfast. (Try not to feel guilty when 5 days later he has a nightmare about rumbling volcanoes.)
2. Eat marshmallows for breakfast yourself. Because you deserve it.
3. Break the no-Netflix-before-school rule so you can catch a break.
4. Try not to punch people in the face when they suggest essential oils.
5. Speaking of punching people in the face when you have a child that won’t sleep, read this.
6. Commiserate with a friend whose child won’t sleep either.
7. Drink lots of coffee. Coca Cola at 3PM won’t hurt either, especially if you also happen to be on day two of a massive headache.
8. Try bringing the kid into your bed so you can get extra rest at 4:55AM. Tell him to be quiet and still. This won’t work, but I’m suggesting it anyway.
9. Cry when you drop your kid off at school/therapy. It will get you sympathy hugs from the teachers/therapists, and they will tell you things like, “It’s okay. He’ll be okay here. You’re in the first trimester still. Go home and take a nap.”
10. Take a nap if you have the luxury. Make sure to tell your husband ahead of time that you are going to be napping so he won’t text you an hour later. Try not to get mad at him when he texts you an hour later anyway.
11. Go to bed early. Or put off going to bed because you know you are just going to have to wake up at 2am anyway. Bonus points if you find yourself sharing Minion Memes at 10:24PM about how awful your sleepless week has been.
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Linking up today with Kate Motaung and the Five Minute Friday crowd on the prompt “Keep.”
12 Comments
Melinda
lol – I’m sorry that you have had such a hard time, but that’s a funny post. I promise it will get better. Eventually. 😀 Hang in there Mama Bear.
Hugs,
Melinda
April
HAHA! I needed this today. I have literally not slept all week! And #8! I’ve done it every night this week even though I KNOW it’s not going to help.
Emily-Jane
Great tips! I feel your pain. 2 x sleep haters in three years..
Amanda Ann Klein
Great post!
I *just* recounted my own experiences with not sleeping (for nearly 15 months!!!) here:
http://tellusastoryblog.com/2015/02/04/after-the-second-one-comes/
But I promise, everyone, one day they WILL sleep.
Aprille
That was a stunningly beautiful post about the haze that is post-partum. I love this. And it makes me want to get a camera for my son so he can take pictures after the new baby comes.
Angela at Dancing With My Father
oh, this post made me giggle. i’ve passed this stage by a few years and mean NO discouragement when i tell you that now, mid-life hormones have replaced the new baby ones, and needing-to-talk-life-issues teenagers have laid claim to my would-be-sleeping hours. the pain is much the same, but the rewards continue to grow. i promise. 🙂
Aprille
Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
Emily-Jane
Great piece. I am so trying marshmallows for breakfast. Thanks for the link x
Luna
It is 12:01am. My 9 yr old autistic boy is still awake. At 5:30am, my 6 yr old will be up.
Need I say more?
Aprille
Oh my. It sounds like you have your hands full. Hoping you get some rest soon or at least find some other ways to find sanity in the sleeplessness!
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