Miscellaneous,  Personal and Spiritual Ramblings,  Pregnancy & Birth,  What I Learned,  Whitespace: one word for 2014

What I learned in May 2015

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1. Whitespace was good in theory. Living it is ten times better.

When I thought I was living whitespace, I was just scratching the surface. This morning I read over this post that I wrote 1 year ago today and I almost found it humorous. Because I can’t even imagine living the way I used to live anymore.

I’m living a very different kind of life now. One that embraces quietness and rest in ways I didn’t even understand or thought could be possible. So what I’m trying to say is that while choosing whitespace was one of the best things I ever did – but really, now I’m actually living it. And that’s way better.

2. Pregnancy hormones are no joke and can completely change a person.

Second trimester hormones gave me surges of energy unlike what I could ever have fathomed possible. (Which makes me think that my chronic fatigue syndrome has far more to do with hormones than anything.) However, this energy was directed toward all the things that I never really much enjoyed doing before. Like cleaning and organizing. Nesting, I suppose.

Third trimester hormones have pushed me into being incredibly introspective, quiet, focused, and centered. I have grown entirely apathetic toward anything but being with myself and this baby and caring for the basic responsibilities I have on my plate. It’s like everything else has fallen away and doesn’t matter in the least. Some days I don’t even care to watch TV. It’s very very very very weird. But I sort of like it. It’s whitespace on a whole new level.

3. Just because you have an opinion on something doesn’t mean you have to blog about it or post about it on Facebook.

I’m honestly not sure why this took me so long to realize.

I see people posting all sorts of crap. All the time. Everyone has an opinion on everything. From how people should or shouldn’t “celebrate” Memorial Day to this Duggar mess to everything else under the sun. Everyone has to weigh in.

And then there is me, over here with my opinions. I wonder what the point of it all is. Does all this discussion matter? Does it change anything? People are gonna be people and they are going to do what they are going to do regardless of what I think about it or tell them about my thoughts.

And I guess it’s one of the curses of this social media generation. Everyone has an instant platform to shout from – and honestly, it’s just too freaking noisy for my taste right now.

Don’t get me wrong. I have opinions. Strong ones. And I still read a lot of lively Facebook discussions about this, that, and the other thing. But eventually I get to this point where I just have to step away from it all and go to a happy place because it’s just too much.

4. I am capable of so much more than I think I am.

Also, if you want to give up 1/10th of a mile up the side of a mountain because you are winded and tired and, oh, 26 weeks pregnant…don’t. Just keep taking one step at a time and giving yourself lots of breaks. You WILL make it to the top and you WILL be amazed at yourself.

hiking at 26 weeks

{No this isn’t medical advice. This is me talking to me. Do not try this without consulting with your physician.}

5. If you climb a mountain while wearing a heart monitor, expect that the heart monitor people will call you to see what you are up to, see if you are having symptoms, and make sure you are okay.
6. Kombucha kills soda cravings.

Thank you GT’s. I actually went about 3 weeks without drinking a soda.

7. Speaking of sugar cravings…

I want to both hug and slap the person who thought that gluten-free Funfetti products were a good idea.

gluten free funfetti

They were a wonderful, awful idea…for gluten-free bliss and pregnancy sabotage. Thankfully, my non-pregnant husband also thinks they are a good idea so he can eat some so there’s less for me and baby to consume.

8. Waking up before 5:30 AM for three weeks straight is draining.

I already knew this because I’ve done it countless times before. I just had to say it again because it’s just that not fun.

However, I’m about to this point where I give up trying to fight it. It is what it is. If you can’t beat them, join them. Yes, both of them.

can't beat them join them

This means overdosing on Daniel Tiger while feeling Little Brother practice Kung Fu, fumbling through coffee-making routines, coloring at 7am, and sometimes even going to bed at 8:30PM yourself.

coloring at 7am

9. The older I get and the further along we are in this journey of special needs life, the easier it is to have perspective.

Perspective is crucial. And when you can look back and see just how far you have come, it really is easier to get through the really really hard days. And it’s easier to look forward and know that, somehow, behind all this mess, better days are coming.

10. Some days, perspective is just not enough. And that’s okay.

Sometimes, dealing with mental health issues, special needs, lack of sleep, and pregnancy is just too much for one person to handle. Venting happens. Bad decisions happen. Depressing blog posts happen. I don’t and won’t apologize for that.

Sometimes, you just need to have a bad day. And then you can get up the next day and climb a mountain and the perspective falls in place all over again.

It’s a cycle of ups and downs.

It’s life.


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