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If I could compare my mind to anything it would be a multi-level mall with lots of stores and even more people.
The department stores are the big things – husband, child, house, blog.
The little stores are the other things – appointments, preschool, bills, taxes, insurance, friends, playdates, baby showers, big projects, and more.
And the people are the tasks.
I walk through this crowded mall and can’t breathe. Every two seconds someone (a task) comes up to me and asks me to complete it.
I start the day getting breakfast for the little man, turning on the TV, making coffee – all the while my brain processing the dirty knife and spoon by the microwave, the dishes left undone, the laundry left in the washer last night, the phonecalls that need made, and more.
For every person I send away (either by saying “not now, come back later” or by actually completing a task) another one comes to take its place.
I seek a place in the mall where I can find rest, quiet, whitespace but there is none. The requesters are constant, the tasks never ending, nothing every fully completed.
It overwhelms me constantly, chronically.
I keep thinking, if I just work hard on my list today, then tomorrow I can rest.
And tomorrow I say the same thing. And the next day. And the next day.
It feels like every split second my thoughts are splintered. No one single task ever has my full and undivided attention. Whatever task I choose to devote my attention to, all the others lose out, left undone.
My mind races – sometimes my heart. Almost frantic at the sheer weight of unending to-do.
Choosing self-care seems pointless. Even in the moments of physical rest, my mind is still crowded.
Crowded. Overwhelmed. Exhausted.
Linking up today with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. Bloggers are given a writing prompt (topic) and told to write for five minutes. “No editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.” Today’s topic is “Crowd.”