My house is quiet. My mother-in-law has taken Ezra away to get a 3-day head start on our family vacation and Little Brother is sleeping. The only sound is the air conditioning, the quiet whrrrr of my computer, and my husband in the next room talking with gaming buddies. Ah, this is the life… Scratch … [Read more…]
My college years were filled with drama and exhaustion. Going back to school was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do. Ever. Until a year ago. But this story begins long before. I remember the first time I sat in the office of the “Behavioral Health” clinic on post at Fort Knox, Kentucky. Checking … [Read more…]
But now, Christianity still so often promotes a system of modesty that is based in shame. We feebly and fearfully adopt “standards” and try to cover up our sin, our shame, with our own inflated sense of goodness – a goodness that can never be good enough.
It was confusing…still believing in the ideal of being a “good Baptist girl” who followed her perfect husband into “full-time Christian service,” yet realizing that not only was it probably never going to happen, but that I wasn’t sure if I even wanted that life anymore.
What my first year of college taught me is that perfection – whether in your spiritual life or academic – is not possible, no matter how hard you try. That’s why we need Jesus. That’s why we need grace.
Growing up without a TV, never going to the movies, being terrified (literally) of rock music, and only having friends at my church – I lived in a clean, sterile little bubble of Christian goodness. It was safe, floating above the world – because I couldn’t touch them and they couldn’t touch me.
But I urge you, Christian who has been hurt by legalism:
Don’t give up on God. Hold onto faith.
I was standing in an empty dormitory room, the one right across from mine. It had been empty for the entire semester, but now it was where I was hiding all of my things that I was packing in boxes to mail home.
I was leaving, but I didn’t want anyone to know.
A war had been started within my soul. Part of me that believed that their opinion of me was also God’s opinion: that I really was a rebellious person if I didn’t follow their rules. But part that knew that there was a much bigger picture than that, that God cared more about me and my heart than how closely I followed a set of rules. The fight raged between these two ideas within me for several years to come.
I have been contemplating writing this post for about two weeks now, but I haven’t been able to get the thoughts out…figured I’d just go ahead and start rambling and hope that something makes sense. After my Moody May post, I had several people chide me for being too hard on myself, trying to be … [Read more…]