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    • You are welcome. Even though I wrote this almost two years ago, even editing it brought up so many emotions and feelings. Definitely hugged my boy a bit longer and tighter tonight!!

  1. Then… | Beautiful In His Time

    […] a couple, as a family. And now our family has expanded to include our little Ezra. While much about his entrance into this world was difficult, when I look back at the past few months, I am amazed how much I have grown as a […]

  2. […] Ezra’s birth and my recovery proved to be much more difficult than I expected. It took me about 4-8 weeks to begin to feel remotely normal, but my stress level was still high as I was managing a newborn on top of preparing for my husband’s deployment to Afghanistan. […]

  3. […] The night Ezra was born was by far one of the most terrifying and difficult nights of my life. It’s true what “they” say about the pain of childbirth melting away…the physical pain at least. I know it was painful, but don’t remember much of that. But other memories are impossible to shake. I hear the echos of my own screams, as though they were coming from someone else. I remember the horribly odd smell coming from the oxygen mask around my face. As I’m being wheeled down the hallway I notice the seafoam green tiles on the wall… I remembered them from our hospital tour, when I had thought to myself how horribly ugly they were and had been thankful that I would never have to see them again because I was far too informed about birth and how to avoid a c-section to end up “back there” in the OR to give birth. And there they were mocking me, oh the irony…for here I was, ugly seafoam green tiles and all. No. This wasn’t happening. This is too ugly, too cold of a place to have a baby. I remember the wait for the spinal being a seeming eternity, trying to make it through pointless contractions that were doing nothing to bring my baby closer to his birth. All they were doing was doubling me over with pain. If I wasn’t going to birth this baby the way I planned, then couldn’t it just be over already? And for pete’s sakes would my arms and legs PLEASE stop shaking!!!!! […]

  4. I can completely relate. I think I read a little too much Spiritual Midwifery and other such natural labor books ahead of time. All of those books prepared me for the labor I didn’t have and set me up for quite a bit of disappointment, 3 c-sections later. But now I’m a mom who no longer thinks poorly of women who had c-sections, or repeat c-sections for that matter. So I guess that’s why God brought me through that journey.

  5. Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing with us. I cried as you described this whole scenario. It was me to a T 26 years ago and most recently as a doula, it was the exact story with a client of mine. Thanks for being so open with your emotions.

  6. […] The night Ezra was born was by far one of the most terrifying and difficult nights of my life. It’s true what “they” say about the pain of childbirth melting away…the physical pain at least. I know it was painful, but don’t remember much of that. But other memories are impossible to shake. I hear the echos of my own screams, as though they were coming from someone else. I remember the horribly odd smell coming from the oxygen mask around my face. As I’m being wheeled down the hallway I notice the seafoam green tiles on the wall. I remembered them from our hospital tour, when I had thought to myself how horribly ugly they were and had been thankful that I would never have to see them again because I was far too informed about birth and how to avoid a c-section to end up “back there” in the OR to give birth. And there they were mocking me, oh the irony…for here I was, ugly seafoam green tiles and all. […]

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